Last summer, I was admiring a bird on my balcony. After he flew away, I noticed a tiny glob of bird poop. Of course, that is not unusual to see, especially when you put out food for them. Well, the food is actually for the squirrels, but the birds didn’t get the memo. Even if they did, they can’t read. Even if they could read, I doubt they’d care. There is no bouncer with a guest list on my balcony, those birds know there is no stopping them.
But back to the poop. I suddenly found myself wondering, do birds pee? I’d never considered it before. I’d venture to guess that many people just assume that all animals eliminate waste in the same manner as we do and don’t even question things like that. Would this be a weird thing to Google?
It's always nice to get reassurance that you aren’t the only weirdo who wondered something.
The answer is simple: birds do not pee. Reason? A bird doesn't have a urethra; a bird only has an anus. Therefore, all waste leaves the anus. Those aren’t words that come up regularly in conversation, so it seems a bit crass and dirty at first. But it’s just proper terms that explain a fact. This also became my new favorite piece of trivia.
Me: “Hey, do birds pee?”
Co-worker: “Yes, they do. I’ve seen them!”
Me: “Nope! No, you haven’t! A bird can’t pee because it only has an anus, not a urethra!”
I was extremely proud to lay down this knowledge.
I had recently started dating a guy who is currently my boyfriend. For our third date, we went to a local park to walk trails together. We saw a lot of squirrels, chipmunks...and, of course, birds. This was the perfect segue.
Me: “Hey, interesting thing about birds.”
Me: “Yeah. A bird doesn't have a urethra, so it can’t pee. It only has an anus, so birds can only poop.”
I can’t know for sure, but I think it was at that very moment when he fell in love with me. How could he not? I sounded smart, I was on-topic, and I demonstrated that I’m socially-skilled enough to know that the bodily functions of birds isn’t a topic for the first or even the second date. I decided then that if I ever needed an icebreaker at a party, I would definitely be going with the bird pee question.
That is probably why I don’t get invited to parties.